Thursday, October 22, 2015

Book Review: Primates of Park Avenue by Wednesday Martin


I recently borrowed the Kindle version of Primates of Park Avenue from my library. When I put the book on hold, I didn't know much about it other than it was on the bestseller list, and I expected from the title that it would be a catty jab at hoity-toity rich folks that I'd breeze through and laugh at, and not think much about afterward.

I was wrong, this book will stay with me for a long time. Wednesday Martin is wickedly smart and without her strongly analytical voice the book and it's grating subject material would be intolerable. Martin uses her background in psychology and anthropology to study the ultra-privileged on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. She doesn't just study them from afar, she studies them as she is trying to integrate herself and her family into this new society.

I had to consciously force myself not to think hateful thoughts of the women who Wednesday describes as obsessed with appearance, possessions, and experiences. Their perfect bodies, perfect homes, and seemingly perfect lives hit a nerve and I felt inward schadenfreude at the idea of these ladies popping Xanax and guzzling wine to mitigate the self-induced stress and anxiety of their pursuit of... what exactly?

Most of the women Martin describes are stay-at-home-mothers, who are highly educated and top-of-their-classes intelligent. These women forgo a career for themselves in order to participate in the grueling demands of an Upper East Side lifestyle. Martin describes hours of charity work, volunteering at the children's schools, intense and frequent workouts, an expensive and high maintenance beauty regimen, and dizzyingly complicated social dynamics. These wives and mothers are successful only as far as their husbands and children are successful. Their children must get into the very best schools, starting with preschool, their homes and bodies must be immaculate, their service exemplary, their wardrobes ahead of the trends. What is the consequence if these goals are not met? If the women don't fit in, their lives are miserable, period. The Upper East Side is all about rank, and to live in the neighborhood, you have to be accepted by your peers.

The lifestyle afforded by the moms in Primates of Park Avenue is so starkly different from what many of us have experienced that it is difficult to describe the book in a way that will do it justice. Martin begins each chapter with field notes presented from the point of view of an anthropologist studying a primitive tribal society. She is detached enough from the Upper East Side to maintain a degree of objectivity about the bizarre nature of the rituals and habits of the neighborhood, but yet she is still "one of them." By the end, she is fully indoctrinated into the culture and she has found her place in the society.

Primates of Park Avenue made me think deeply on a lot of things. The book doesn't shy away from serious topics. What does it mean to be a woman and mother today? What does it mean to be privileged? There is also a chapter in which we get to see a softer and more human side to these Upper East Side ladies, and this chapter really affected me. I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys social observation and commentary. You need to be able to put your personal feelings about wealth aside for a moment to be able to fully enjoy the book. While I didn't agree with or appreciate all the choices made by the author or her neighbors, I relished the opportunity to take in an insider's perspective of one of the most exclusive American communities. Primates of Park Avenue was challenging, fascinating, and hard to put down.

*All thoughts are my own and I received nothing in return for this review.


3 comments:

  1. The sociologist in me is now dying to read this book. Excellent review! I look forward to finding time to check it out.

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    1. It was really good. I was annoyed at times and even angry at certain points in the book, but it was still a great read.

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